I have notice I have a tendency to focus on the negative while ignoring the positives in my life.
I am sure I am not the only one who ignores the positive to focus on the negative. It seems many of us who live with trauma maintain our focus on negative beliefs and feelings. We tend to look at the “what’s not going right” instead of “what is going right” in our lives. We are quick to declare our treatment and recovery process too slow or not working at all. When in reality, many things are going right for us. So during Thanksgiving day week, I set out to post on Facebook, three times a day, to share what I am thankful for. It was an enjoyable experience to spend the last few days thinking of the positive things in my life. So here is a list of some of the things I am thankful for.
Things I am thankful for:
- I am grateful for Mr. Robinson a teacher who always told me “Kevin, I expect great things from you.” I’ve strived to not let him down
- I am thankful for U.S. Army Chaplain Jim King, who was a great mentor and an outstanding pastor. He helped shape me as a Chaplain.
- I am thankful for Therapist Dr. Carrin Harper who literally kept me alive and would not let me give into my suicidal ideations.
- I am thankful for the LA Baptist Rescue Mission. I was able to preach every Saturday during my first year of Bible college in 1986.
- I am thankful for all the Godly men and women who invested their lives into our lives so we could spend our life in Christian ministry.
- I am thankful for those who developed Cognitive Processing Therapy and for those who took me through the painful process.
- I am thankful for Candice, Samantha, and Jacob, our young adult children who still want to spend time with us.
- I am thankful for the Pastor and the congregation of Oswego Baptist Church for sponsoring my ordination in 1986.
- I am thankful for “Train a Dog, Save a Warrior” for providing training and certification of my service dog Delrin.
- I am thankful for my beautiful bride Elizabeth who has stood by my side in the darkest moments of my life. Love you, Honey!
- I am thankful that I had the honor of serving in the United States Army for 21-years.
- I am thankful for LTG Funk for giving me the freedom to minister to his Troopers of the 1st Brigade Combat Team, 1st Cavalry Division during Operation Iraqi Freedom 06-08.
- I am thankful for my Cardiologist in Danville, NJ for discovering my heart anomaly and for the surgeon in Morristown, NJ who corrected the problem with open heart surgery in 2010.
- I am thankful for the Wounded Warrior Program and the leaders of the Male Odyssey retreat who helped me realize I am not “unfit” to live my life.
- I am thankful for Paster Jared at First Baptist Church New Braunfels for letting me lead a small group Bible study.
- I am thankful for the great memories we have as a family while we enjoyed family vacations together.
This is by no means even close to a complete list, but it is a good start. Why not start your own list? You can start by sharing in the comments below what you are thankful for.
23 More Years to our 50th!
27 years ago on May 5, 1990 I married my wonderful bride and my true love. Elizabeth is my love, soulmate, helper, friend, counselor, designer, caretaker, encourager, supporter, cheerleader, wife, awesome mother to my children and my very strength and life. She has always been with me through the highest and brightest times and has been next to me in my deepest and darkest moments. When I was ready to give up on myself she was there urging me on and never letting me go. She watches over me many times without me knowing she is doing so. She was strong and my base when I was weak and ready to give up. Without my precious wife Beth, I would not be the man I am today. My love for her is ever deepening and I learn each day to cherish her more and more. Happy Anniversary my sweet love. Only 23 years more until we celebrate our 50th Anniversy
Webster defines the word reconciliation as “the act of causing two people or groups to become friendly again after an argument or disagreement”
It is common among those who deal with PTSD to find themselves in conflict with those around them. Whether it is among family members, spouses, friends, co-workers or neighbors. Conflict seems to be an issue that comes up frequently as we deal with our PTSD symptoms. Conflict happens. Some conflicts are resolved quickly and are forgotten. Other times conflict goes on for a while but at some point there is a resolution to the conflict. Then there are conflicts that take place and the result are long-lasting and may even bring relationships to an end. I call these conflicts devastating conflicts. These are the worse conflicts as they destroy the relationship between two people and bring pain and hurt to all involved. These devastating conflicts can last for years or even a lifetime. They have the real possibility of bringing so much pain and hurt that there is no probability of reconciling. Even in the best of relationships there are conflicts that happen. Conflicts are not reserved just for veterans or those who suffer from PTSD. However, devastating conflicts often take place within the relationships of those who suffer from the symptoms of PTSD. Some of the reasons are we have a tendency to hide and cover up our emotions. Some do so to “protect” those around us. We do not want our families and friends to know the horror we went through in war. Other times we are focused on self-medication as we try to forget the trauma we witnessed or were involved with. As we focus more and more on self-medication whether it be substance abuse, risky behavior, withdrawal and dissociation or other forms of self-medication. We pull further and further away from those who love and care for us. We freely give up the love and concern of our loved ones and friends to embrace our own self-medication as a way to cope with our PTSD.
Continue reading “Finding Reconciliation”
We are not the sum of our trauma, Our trauma is simply a part of who we are now.
The attack on our Combat outpost Taji Market delivered a spiritual blow that shook the very foundation of my spiritual life. The following morning I woke up to the reality of the attack on our COP. I was faced once again with the duty of supervising another memorial ceremony, but this time I asked myself what difference does it make There is no way our Soldiers could sit through another ceremony and listen to our empty words of encouragement and hope. I could not bring myself to accept that what we offered to our Soldiers mattered and that our message of hope had any real impact upon anyone. How many times could we read the Psalms, pray for God’s comfort and healing, share our belief of God’s protection and yet watch as even more Soldiers die? I was convinced that our Soldiers must view us with contempt and view our message as senseless and offensive. It was a revelation that hunted me for many years, a revelation that brought me to the deepest spiritual struggle that I had ever faced in my life.
Continue reading “We Are Not Our Trauma”